Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Plaxo - in the last year or so, it seems like the use of social networking sites has totally exploded. Being a computer nerd, I've been playing around with these sites in increasing amounts as a way to network with friends, colleagues, and even relatives.

But I've spent the last 24 hours or so re-evaluating my use of social networks. For what it's worth, I'm putting my thoughts down in writing, and then firing off a reference to this blog entry so people will understand why I think you're going to be finding me using these sites and their resources slightly differently. Feel free to disagree -- like in many other cases, people view things differently, and I respect that. That said, I'm changing the way these sites work for me. And maybe, give some of you a different perspective by sharing how someone else views social networks.

Disclaimer: All my specific examples are made up. I'm not trying to send any kind of hidden message to anyone who reads this.
Warning: I do include a few personal experiences where some readers might guess about what started me down that path. Again, I'm not sending you any kind of hidden message. You just made me think.

All social networks seem to have a purpose of allowing you to connect with others. You find friends you've lost touch with. You even find relatives you didn't know you had. You find business connections in industry. It's like a giant game of "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon", except you replace Kevin Bacon's name with your name. The idea of networking isn't a bad one (unless of course, you find someone you really didn't want to find, but in that case, most social networks allow you to block that person and that is the end of that). I think most folks agree with this part.

The real differences seem to come about with the way people use these social networks. There's folks like the "Twitter Quitters" who try a social network tool like Twitter or Facebook by logging in once, then never ever logging in or doing anything with it again. That seems to be one extreme. The other extreme are the folks who, I will swear, update their status even when they are sitting on the toilet. Ugggh. Too much information. For those people, and probably those who trend to this extreme, http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/04/23/ep.facebook.addict/index.html is an interesting article to read. A majority of folks I will bet will agree with this.

Some use these sites to upload and share pictures, some play games, some just use it to send notes back and forth. Things that you would do normally with other people around you, in person, if you all happened to be in the same place. To me, social networking seeks to resolve the problems caused by distance and disparate time zones by one means or another. Some sort of moderate use (in between the two extremes) seems appropriate and the way to go. Where one falls in that range seems to be the question.

Given this starting point, what does James think is an appropriate use of a social network? Maybe, more controversially, what does James think is an inappropriate use of a social network? Stop reading if you don't want to know or think you might be offended.

Appropriate (and things James will continue to do):

I think social networks are fantastic for reconnecting with people. There were people that I wondered how they were doing after many years, but whose contact info I had long since lost. Sites like Facebook allowed a great mechanism for searching for and finding these long lost folks.

Catching up, seeing pictures, and sharing interesting events and items. Excellent. I love seeing where some of my friends have travelled. I love hearing funny stories (to a point, and "funny" is a subjective term). I like knowing generally how people are doing and interesting things they've seen. I'll continue sharing things like this.

Light banter back and forth. This seems cool too. I love encouraging other people when momentous events occur.

Games. I admit, I like some of the Facebook games. I'll still play some of the games. (But I gave up on WordChallenge -- took too long to play and was getting boring).

Inappropriate (and things James won't do, and wishes other people wouldn't do or would at least think about more):

There are folks, on the other hand, who feel like sharing every detail of every moment of every thought in their daily life, comment on every little thing, and generally, never seem to be logged off. This makes me think of the Buy-n-Large spaceship in WALL*E where people only talk to each other via their computer screens. Sure, sometimes it's great when you're Twittering about a special event. But do I really need to know you're walking into the grocery store? And finding the hamburger? And complaining it's $.29/lb. more than last week? And you see only 4 packages on the shelf? And about how you don't understand how could the store possibly sell meat that's expiring today at a discount? In 5 separate postings? No thank you. Pardon me for saying this, but get a life, and pay attention to where you are walking. And don't ever drive a car.

Where I think I'm going to potentially trample on nerves is "what is appropriate" to post on something like Facebook or Twitter or even a blog. There's this story that has been posted in a number of forums about a person who was offered a job at Cisco. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29796962/ (it can be found at other places on the internet as well). So you say you will never do that? Do you really know all those people reading your "Tweets" well enough? Do you really know your Facebook friends well enough, especially if you're off trying to be friends with your friend's daughter's boyfriend's father's boss? I've always limited who my "friends" are and not tried to win any contests of "how many friends can I have on Facebook". And I won't ever get into that contest. I've now limited who can see my "tweets" to people who are following me, and I control who does that too.

But to get back to what people consider to be appropriate materials for social networking sites. From what I've seen (and this includes what I've seen reports of as well as what I've experienced), people dump out problems, partying activities, phone numbers, and even suicide threats on to these networking sites (there was the well publicized suicide tweet to Ashton Kutcher for example). Again, do you really know about everybody who's reading your posts? Default privacy settings really should be considered to be default publicity settings. Open by default isn't a good idea in computer security. Neither is it for social network sites, in my opinion. But that's what we have. I've seen the phone numbers and addresses and other "private" information coming by my Facebook account as replies by people whom I've never met, but happen to somehow be related to someone else I know. And did you know when you affiliate yourself with a Network like "New York City", often times, that means everyone in "New York City" can possibly read your information? (Have you checked?) Do you really know everyone in "New York City"? Do you really want "New York City" knowing about how you were so horribly offended when your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you today? Or that you are lounging around in your bathtub with the window open? Or that you think you just forgot to lock your front door? "Everyone! Come and break into my house! Come try to hook up with me! Tell my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend that I'm really messed up by the break up and I'll do anything to get back together!" Good moves? Maybe if you know the folks who are reading your postings well enough. I'll admit, I'm probably guilty as charged to some degree of some of this. You're going to see less posting from me except for fun things like trip pictures, interesting items, and general events. I've decided letting everyone know how I'm feeling today isn't necessary. If you want to know, ask. Just not on a social networking site in front of hundreds of other people. Try email or a private message.

I think social networking status updates are not tuned for long, in-depth issues. They're also not meant to be turned into long running public therapy sessions. They're meant for short updates, which, in 140 characters or less, can sometimes really get mis-interpreted. You certainly can't paint a complete picture of a major issue in a status update. In fact, you're almost certain to leave out important details, even if you write a long summary. Or even if you write about something every day. Or every hour. There's a high likelihood that someone comes in on a discussion mid-stream. Example: You get into a minor car accident. You post about it. You post about how you have left the scene. You find out the person you hit now can't drive to work, so you post about it. You feel horrible. You post about it. You post how you feel so bad, you could just shoot yourself after hitting another person. Now stop. Where did you come into that thread? Are you really getting ready to commit suicide? How embarrassing is it when the police come over and ask to take you in for a psych eval because someone thought you were involved in assault and attempted suicide? Hit and run? Okay, that's a silly example, but you get the idea. How does one know the history behind a series of posts, or what's behind a single post? You're going to find me making fewer "serial story" posts, or I'm writing them in such a way that you don't know the whole story. And you're going to find me making a lot fewer comments about other posts, except when it's something like, "I'm enjoying the baseball game." That's hard to misinterpret. And all forms of electronic communication are inherently imprecise and fraught with misinterpretation opportunities. There are times when you need to pick up the phone, or even go visit the person in person (what a concept) and ask about what's going on. And likewise, to communicate something important. Next time I read something that seems totally out of character with someone, I'm going to ask first, and not via Facebook.

One issue that may not be an issue with social networks in particular, but one which plagues other aspects of life. Who do you ask important questions to? Why does it seem like people think Facebook or Twitter is an appropriate place to post for advice about really personal and important life decisions? I somehow fail to understand why "New York City" and 200 Facebook "friends" are an appropriate audience to ask these questions. First and foremost, life isn't a democracy where you're trying to "Get out the Vote". I agree, advice and opinions don't hurt. But are "New York City" and all 200 friends going to tell you what you should hear? Or what you want to hear? Or even have enough of a clue to give you a good answer? Maybe others have better friends than me. Friends that are in tune with every little aspect of their lives, or friends who know better when you're not really serious. But given that's not the case here (and sorry folks, but not all 130+ of my Facebook friends really know the day-to-day routine in my household, or read my mind that well), you're never going to find me doing this. I wish others would think before posting. And commenting.

I'm tired of writing. I've brain dumped enough. Maybe I'll brain dump more thoughts in the future. But my conclusion:

Social networking is a powerful mechanism for communications. Use it wisely. Use it thoughtfully. And like I'm learning, learn the consequences of using social networking. Who is reading what I'm about to write? Are they reading it the right way? Think about it.